if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
