I'm going to jail i love you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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