Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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