is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
