If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
