have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
