hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
