I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
