The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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