She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
