Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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