I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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