I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
