Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
