i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
