the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm like, not good at living.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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