The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
