need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
