between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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