The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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