i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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