Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
