FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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