Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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