she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
