Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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