VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
