i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He shit in the fireplace
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
