wrigley field is MILF paradise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
