Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
