I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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