Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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