I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
