I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
