i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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