no, he came in my armpit
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
