I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
