dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am naked and annoyed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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