oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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