there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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