sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
