I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
