question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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