she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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