I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
