Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
