So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You pole danced in your parka.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
