no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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