Do you still have your period?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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