It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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