Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
